Being, as I am, single over 60, and surprised to discover how difficult it is to alter that status, I was searching recently for something relating to single men over 60 and found myself greatly dismayed, disheartened – no actually – disgusted, I would say, with the top few results of my search.
The supposedly ‘elite’ (whatever that means anymore) dating site ‘Elite Singles’, offered up a charming promotional piece called “The Obvious Perks of Dating Older Men”, about why younger women really should consider dating men – 10 even 20 years older.
“An older man and younger woman relationship is not only one of the most common motifs in dating, it’s one of the most popular.”
Is popularity inherently a virtue? Other popular things include creature porn, dog fighting and a host of other unsavory but ‘common motifs’. And why is that, you wonder. Because men are hounds and women want daddies? Not at all, according to Elite, in fact, older men are: (I’m sure you can write the text here) ‘mature’, ‘financially secure’, ‘straightforward and assertive’, ‘more well-established and courteous’, and of course, ‘chivalrous’. Would that this were universally true. In fact there are plenty of older men, divorcés, who are bankrupt, thanks to their divorces, or were divorced because they were bankrupt, thanks to their trading habits, taste for expensive cars and mistresses, or simply unachieved ambitions.
“You’ll never be in an unsure space or gray area when dating an older man because they have neither the time nor the inclination to play games.”
You have got to be kidding. They may not have the time (because it’s running out!), but older men on the prowl for younger women are playing the biggest game in town. Playing the antiquated Lord of the Realm game. Playing the sophistication game. Last time I “bet on the ponies in Deauville…”, or “was at the Bilbao Guggenheim…”, or “sat in on a set with Prince…”, or “ate at the Cavalli Club in Dubai…”
Okay, let’s back off the older ‘gents’ for a minute, because there are myriad wonderful older guys who are looking for women their age (although I have yet to meet them). I just wonder if Elite Singles has provided the same salubrious outlook for younger men regarding older women… Gee, no?
Look, I have no problem with people finding love, no matter what age, but actively seeking out partners in a widely different age bracket? What about all the young dudes pining for cool ladies in their age range? And, ahem, what about all the cool older women looking for older dudes in theirs? Oh, them? Leave them to their cats, their shrinks, and their hairdressers, right?
2) On to another affront in this same vein: this one from an older man named Moe, who wrote a piece on Medium, essentially slapping down all the women, ages 40 and up, that he encounters on dating sites. According to him, these hapless females, having divorced, entertain the foolish expectation of a queue of gallants waiting for a date. Ha ha, implies Moe, ‘fat chance’; these ladies’ exes and their cohort can’t wait to get in the pants of women 20 years younger.
Moe proceeds to mock and dress down women in general for leaving their marriages in the first place. (A 2015 study by Stanford sociologist, Michael Rosenfeld, found that 69% of divorces are initiated by women.) Then he scoffs that the men they left behind are the last men to be able to see them as they were, when they were young. The rest of the single, older male population lacks that vision and instead sees women their age on dating sites as further, and more wrinkled, iterations of the ones that left them. Moe clearly got dumped by his wife and is now sharpening his knives to hack the rest of us to pieces. Thanks, Moe. Good luck amusing that young gal!
But there is the flip side of this equation, which are the legions of young women who pursue these graying ‘sophisticates’, not for their rampant sex appeal, nor soul-mate potential, and probably not even for their savior faire (since that is a highly dubious virtue these days when street smarts are likely to hold way more value), but for their bank accounts, and the supposed security this will grant these young wannabe princesses. Forget about the bodies destined for dust within a lot fewer decades than their own; forget about all the contingent tending and nurturing, and the withstanding of the legendary grumpiness of old men as they realize their grip is weakening. These chicks might take a pause, as they send a ‘smile’ to that old bloke on Elite Singles, not about all that, but to consider that their move might be politically incorrect. I’m not trying to harsh anyone’s mellow for a decade north of their own age; it’s when a 35 year old hooks up with a 60 year old that I start to twitch.
Of course this syndrome (can I call it that?) is eons old, and some might argue it’s got some evolutionary basis. Successful olds that can land fertile youths must have seed worth continuing. Or not; according to Alexey Kondrashov, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Michigan, “disorders of brain function, such as autism, schizophrenia, dyslexia and reduced intelligence, seemed particularly affected by the age of the father.”
All I’m really trying to do here is level the playing field. How one does that short of a cultural revolution, I don’t know. Perhaps a new meme #olderchicksmatter?
I figure I’m coming across as a disgruntled old crone, but I’m not really. I’m just disillusioned by the dearth of vital, older single men. But perhaps those guys lusting for young things are not cool enough for me anyhow, and those young ladies who consort with them totally deserve their sorry asses and the Depends that soon come with them.